Utter Rubbish

It's been a while since I.....calm down, I'm not singing the song...blogged, although I seem to get more hits when I don't. Anyhoo, here are the nagging questions before I rush to Sainsbury's for my free 3d glasses.

1. Why are Google Maps & the city of Plymouth trying to kill me? All roads to Milehouse lead through Central Park. How come everything is on an incline? "You are either going up or coming down...." How many of you have heard me say those exact words?
   
2. Why is Rihanna wearing an eye patch in the Wait Your Turn video? Is she Snake Plissken? A scratched cornea? [Sorry too much Friends, damn E4]
3. Why are the same 20 videos always played on Viva & E4 Music? They wonder why those songs are on the bloody charts? You play them every freaking day, that's why.
   
4. Why is Cheryl Cole wearing that bloody leopard print trousers in her "Fight For This Love" video? I know you're supposed to stand out from the crowd, but it's kinda sad when the backup dancers look like they put more effort & you're in your PJs. It's kinda funny, some of the dance moves in this video, but that's another story.
   
5. Why do the names, Cheryl Cole & Sheryl Crow, kinda rhyme? I said kinda.
6. Is Alesha ever gonna rap again? Hey, she singing this ballad right now on Viva. Not my fault.
7. Who else finds the chorus of N-Dubz' chorus of "I Need You" funny? "I came so close/You touched my body/You left me standing like a statue/....../I've been searching all over facebook". Now, it's playing on Viva. Yes, I'm a very slow typer.
8. Why are there so many remakes, sorry, I meant re-imaginings? Seriously, no original ideas left? Although, Morena Baccarin's blinking & jerks are really awesome in V. Now, please eat the hamster...I always remembered it as a rat.
9. Why is my neck killing me? Damn you neck!
10. Will Taio Cruz ever speak Pidgin? Where did this come from? Adetayo Ayowale Onile-Ere, gini bu Taio? How come all mention of his full birthname has disappeared from Wikipedia?
    

Oh well, that's it for my blogging this year.

Welcome to day 2 of the PHCN strike, it's exactly like a normal day PHCN, i.e. "no light". Hopefully, those dumb asses will get off their fat asses, cause that pay rise is soo not going to happen. And if it does, I think we citizens of Nigerians should finally riot. Diesel is not cheap! I've only been home for a week, and it's actually gotten worse, since my last visit.

To those vagabons at PHCN, do your bloody jobs! How dare you expect a pay rise from your lazy crusty dusty asses. You're always quick to cut off a paying customer's electricity, when you've goofed or taken a bribe to ignore. I haven't seen the new 12hr shift yet, since you decided to cut it to 0-3hours. I enjoyed the joke you played at Ada's expense though, there she was telling me it would appear by noon, she heard the sound from the other street signaling the return of "light", then BAM! You bring it back, she's ecstatic, jumping and saying "I told you so, I told you so", then in mid-jump BAM! It goes. I start cackling like Dracula in heat.

Why should I pay a bribe for you to do your job? Infact, keep striking.
NB: PHCN - Power Holding Company of Nigeria, fka NEP plc, originally known as NEPA (Nigerian Electric Power Authority). Cue all the power holding, please light candle jokes. Ahh..how I've missed you.

Mmm...I predict a riot, I predict riot. I had to make a musical reference. I need chocolate.

For crying out loud, if you're hungry, go eat a meal. A yogurt is not a meal, "feel fuller for longer" my ass. It should be "feel hungrier for your shear stupidity". I am surprised those overzealous parents, who keep campaigning against videogame violence (but still condone movie violence & let children watch rated 18 movies in the cinema, thank God for the British, at least I won't expect a kid in the cinema, while I'm watching Sin City/Watchmen/Wanted), haven't campaigned how impressionable kiddies/teens/stupid kids/stupid people/people with low self-esteem/people with yada yada yada will fall easy prey to your fulfilling yogurt?

What brought this yogurt rant? Well, I am currently watching The Long Kiss Goodnight and boom I see this yogurt ad, it didn't click, then I see it again, then BAM! I go WTF? Are you kidding me? At least, they agreed with the me by using the car analogy, cause the fuel tank was empty.

Anyhoo, I really love this movie, Shane Black's script cracks me up, shame Geena Davis never became a big action hero star, shame Cutroath Island flopped, I really loved that movie too. Great, now I want to watch Witchblade. Yany Butler kicked ass, shame about the liqour.

Some choice quotes
Man goes "I'm hurt real bad, I think I'm dying", Timothy replies "Continue dying. Out.".
"Suck my dick, everyone of you bastards" - Charlie [Elizabeth] Baltimore
Charlie goes "Honey, only four inches", Timothy replies "Don't worry, you'll feel me". Calm down, they are talking about a blade.

Shane Black must be Joss Whedon's more vulgar older brother. I wouldn't mind a well-written sequel. And in random news, I'm also a writer on thehachiko.com, so far I've written two reviews - Naruto Movie 3 & Blood: The Last Vampire (the original anime), with two more scheduled to appear (Naruto Shippuden the Movie 1 &2). At least, I got glorious reviews from Ada. Enjoy my crappy reviews, whenever you can.


Those greedy bastards, who effed up the original Buffy movie, shouldn't even try making a Buffy movie without Whedon. Officially, the dumbest movie idea of 2009. "I gave him a traditional name, OJ." "WHAT?!"

I haven't been on Sahara Reporters in a while, but this picture & caption had me saying "Oh No You Didn't". You don't do this when a camera's present, why do people leave photographic evidence of their stupidity?


Caption: Nduka Obaigbena, the publisher of Thisday is many things to many people. But in this undated photo, a revelation of unimaginable proportion was that Mr. Obaigbena actually paid Beyonce Knowles $1 million just to take a peep at her unbuttoned chest.



Men...you can't kill 'em, return 'em or chuck 'em in the bin...BTW, I passed my dreaded (driving) theory test.

The Limp Noodle of the week award goes to.........The Cleveland Show Pilot, WKOFIT? Usually, I am never really bothered about stereotypes, but with age comes wisdom, and my wisdom's asking for the 20 or so odd minutes it wasted watching the citizens of Stoolbend. Most of the jokes were drier than dry ice, the stereotypes were off the wall, and the characters were just parodies of Seth McFarlene's other characters. I predict "Plagiarismo di plagiarismo di plagiarismo" is coming soon to a Simpsons episode near you.

What the heck happened to Cleveland, Jr.? I understand obesity can make him slower than usual, but I never expected his voice to follow suit. Geez, I know for a fact that my weight gain from all those Papa John pizzas never slowed down my speech, infact it's faster than usual now. Oh & someone better retire Cleveland's laugh immediately.

For Sanaa's sake, it better improve, Seth McFarlene, step away from your comfort zone and evolve already. Stupid caveman.


Dreaded theory test tomorrow, oh boy. Will try to bribe them with food.